Question: I feel completely powerless, and have a brutal history of abuse. But sometimes money and support comes my way, but I do not trust it. I often hear Adya and Byron Katie speak about letting go of my story, but it comes back again and again. Please help me.
Craig: It would be healing for you to see these moments as a gift. I know that you feel as if at any moment the rug can be pulled out from under you, but this very thought that it can is getting in the way of your healing.
You do not need to have “no story,” as your friend Adya has taught you. You need a new story. The problem is that you have a painful story of life. I fully agree with you that what happened to you was absolutely brutal. So let us acknowledge that. But this story that anything can be taken away at any moment is actually retraumatizing you.
You need a new story where you are completely and totally grateful for what you have in this moment. Grateful for your breakfast, your lunch and your dinner or whatever meal you are eating in this moment. Grateful to have a TV, grateful to have a job, grateful to have the ocean, the beach. Grateful to have a computer. Grateful to have your friend Craig.
If you truly want to heal this chronic insecurity and powerlessness that you suffer from you must begin walking in the direction of power and gratitude.
Your walking meditation on the beach needs to be: I am so happy to have a job, I am grateful, I am a good and respected businessman. I make money and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. I am loved and supported in this world.
You must walk on the beach and smile at the sun, the sand and the ocean. You must be grateful for this experience of the ocean.
You must say thank you God, for all the ways money comes to you. Even if they are odd, strange, unexpected. You say thank you God for supporting me. Thank you Life. Thank you for my apartment.
Thank you for my good heart. Thank you for taking care of me this day.
And if and when any argument arises in you mind, you gently turn your attention to your power and your gratitude.
If you want to heal, you will pull your energy away from the thought and story, that I am powerless and have nothing.
To: I am powerful. I have a great life, in Miami Beach. I have a job where I work from home. I am respected by my coworkers. I am a dynamic and creative force in this world. I have a home. I have a car, I have a slice of pizza, a bed, a home. I live on the beach.
You will never heal, not even through spiritual awakening, until you fully know your power and feel supported by God. Said differently, for awakening to be sustained, you must know your power and have a new story, not a story of trauma, but an experience of love and faith in this world.
Adya had the gift of already knowing his power and felt supported by life. Therefore when he did awaken, his awakening was supported by a strong and healthy psychology. Without a healthy psychology, we may experience moments of awakening, but these moments will fade as our psychology, demands our attention and healing.
Also, I am going to encourage you to join the sports center. It would be very healing for you to play a sport. A sport like basketball, where you can compete, and succeed and experience your power on the court. You need to experience some wins, some domination over others. and be okay with losing as well. Often when we lose at sports, we want to try again. But ultimately you need a chance to be in your body, running around and competing in a healthy way.
I want you to deeply put into practice these things.
The fact that you have a job and are doing so well at it, is exactly what I am speaking about. More of this. Keep up the good work.
Staying in your home all hours of the day is not going to help you any longer; it will hold you back. Some time on the floor is healing, but also more time out being grateful, and playing sports, and creating a new story in your mind, will ultimately be healing.
If you look at your friend Adya, he did all of this. He did not just sit and wake up, he had a strong and healthy psychology, a great story, was very active and created his own reality. He was not powerless, but powerful. His words are great, but you must also follow his actions if you want to heal.