Question: How do I change a negative “core” belief?
Craig: With unconditional love for yourself and that little child deep in the heart, who has been through so much.
It all comes down to love. Love heals. When we love our self fully, negative core beliefs dissolve.
Instead of thinking about a negative core belief, I encourage you to find the place in your body where this belief is rooted. Notice the feeling and embrace it with love. Breathe into this place and know that you are worthy of Love. As you continue to love yourself in a deep and felt way, the negative core belief, will dissolve.
Question: Yesterday I was triggered emotionally by an old painful life event I felt I had healed. I felt defensive to support my feelings about what had happened. I didn’t try to rekindle these feelings of sadness, but I let them flow through me and thought about how really disappointing the event was to me at the time. My partner was worried I was “wallowing”… How do I know if I’m over extending a visit to the past and it’s pain? It was the first time I had thought about the event in many, many years. But I realized yesterday, it was a major event that really set the stage for a lot of my insecurity and lack of trust in life.
I’ve really been avoiding life and my humanity with this “spiritual journey” ever since this event… wow. I even used my awakening afterwards as a way to see life was just a bunch of crap to be avoided at all cost! Thanks so much for your work and videos.
Craig: Life is divine and not to be avoided, it is to be embraced fully with love. Our lives are simply a reflection of what is within us. If something in our lives is out of alignment, it is wise for us to investigate this. This event showed you that there is some places within you which feel insecure and are suffering. it seems as if you are able to see what you have clearly been doing, this is good. Most spirituals seekers and humans are busy running from that which is within them.
I encourage you to meet your feelings with love. To fully acknowledge what is within you. If we have an emotional reaction, it means there is more pain within us that needs to be released and that there is a place within us which is still suffering. It is good to find these energies within us; to be awake is to be fully honest with ourselves and naturally, from the awakened vision we want to liberate that which is within us.
Wallowing is when we want to stay in the hurt for awhile longer because somehow we think it is serving us. But to admit there is pain within us still after many years is not the same as wallowing. To admit there is pain within us is to honor our humanity. It is a radical act of honesty. The question is how will you meet your own pain. As humans we unconsciously expect someone else to meet our pain and take care of us, but as long as we do this we will be dependent upon others. I invite you to meet your own pain from the goodness and love of your own heart. What this practically means is that you bring your awareness to the pain, that you feel it fully, yet to courageously let go of the story associated with the pain. Can you feel the pain and not believe the story? Can you let the pain pass through your body and release from you? Can you embrace this pain with love, honor it, feel it, embrace it, and let it go? As you do this work, what you will find is a great security – not to be found in your partner or when life is “going your way” – but a great security found in the hugeness of your own heart. A heart which is vast compassionate and strong, able to handle anything in this life.
Question: How do I learn to love myself, if I grew up in a neglectful or abusive home?
Craig: How we do this practically:
- Through breathing love into pain, and disconnecting from unhealthy thoughts.
- Through actively loving and caring for ourselves.
- Through rewriting our story or creating a new one, where we are good, loved and worthy.
- Through being in healthy adult relationships with people who do care about us.
- Through sharing our goodness with the world in positive and healthy ways.
- Through meeting challenges internal and external and experiencing success.
- Through healthy touch and body work.
- Through replacing the inner critic with our wise and loving heart space.
- Through coming to know the goodness and love of our own heart space.
- Through exercising, and building strength within.
- Through acknowledging the pain we went through and admitting how difficult life has been for us, and then letting it go.
- Through forgiveness and setting boundaries.
- Through getting out into nature.
- Through loving that innocent child within.
Question: I have trouble sharing my true nature with others, I am afraid they will not like it, or that I will make them uncomfortable. The people around me are afraid of their Divinity.
Craig: This is your life and because of this, you must take responsibility for what you are. It is not your job to care how others feel in your presence. If you are a bright light, then please shine your light. If we spend our lives worrying about what others think or repressing our true nature, that is not a life worth living. You are here to be God in the form of you. Never listen to thoughts or emotions which will try to keep you small. You have a light to shine, so please shine. If those around you do not like it, that is not your business. As you shine more and more, you will soon find yourself surrounded by new individuals who are happy to see you and meet you in this new way.
Question: I remember from one of our conversations you saying that even in the midst of an outward challenging situation- such as getting carjacked in Oakland-to allow this sense of OK-ness to pervade. It sounds good, but as long as there is identification with the body and the I-thought, the sense of OK-ness will remain way in the background. Is there a meditation that you could recommend that creates an opening for the sense of ok-ness to emerge and pervade?
Craig: To realize this great OK-ness we must let go in the deepest way. Which means we must let go where our ego has its seat, deep within the gut. The meditation is to meditate on the hara. Deep within the gut is an unconscious clenching… we have to meditate upon this unconscious clenching and hold a space of Love, for even this unconscious resistance. This resistance is both personal and completely impersonal. As we hold this space of Love, eventually it will release. This takes time and deep surrender. In fact the place which the surrender comes from is actually out of our control, (by that “our” I mean the ego or the meditator). The release happens beyond us, and as a result, we realize ourselves as beyond us, meaning we realize ourselves as beyond our body, mind, and ego. There is nothing we can do to make this happen, realizing this great OK-ness, comes from the great OK-ness of the universe. This is the Ok-ness of God, a God who created this world, an evolutionary world where bodies and minds suffer and we all die, sometimes in brutal and violent ways.
Yes, we can be calm in almost any situation including war, death, being robbed, surgery etc. This is possible. Yet we do have bodies and often our bodies and minds are not fully in alignment with our realizations. All of us will have our limits. Even Jesus, at some point while suffering on the cross, called out to God, “Lord why have you forsaken me?”
We can, though be ok in any almost any situation, even that of our own death. It is possible. But more importantly for now, and practically speaking, can we simply bring love to our current situation: where we are struggling, where we are resisting, where we are fighting with life, consciously or unconsciously?
The more you meditate upon the hara and allow this unconscious releasing to happen, the greater will be your experience of the great OK-ness.
To the degree that you have surrendered will determine whether or not the experience of the great OK-ness is in the foreground as your direct experience of yourself or in the background as just a mental remembering.
Question: In the midst of my existential challenges, I can see that it is the life of comfort that I really want. In the life of comfort, where everything is taken care of, no hardships, I can also see that this kind of life is in a way like taking a sleeping tablet. All my hardships, challenges and suffering stimulates the aspiration to go beyond them. This compels consciousness to look more deeply. That I can also see. On my better days, I am grateful that I have found a path which points in the right direction. At other times it is difficult to see the path because of the lack of light… although I know it is still there.
Craig: Yes this is so true of our egoic nature. We want things to be easy and feel good all the time.
Yet our soul, our true nature does not care how we feel, what it cares about is that we are in alignment with the truth. Truth is beyond feelings, beyond comfort. It is not that comfort and ease are bad, there is nothing wrong with these things. But we live in an evolutionary world, a world where there is pain and suffering. We cannot deny this, yet our egoic nature tries to avoid this truth, and through this avoidance creates a great deal of suffering.
When we come into alignment with our soul, we understand that some suffering is unavoidable, and that the only way to true happiness is to come into alignment with the Truth. Paradoxically when we embrace discomfort, disappointment, and difficulty we find that life is so much more enjoyable, easygoing and yes comfortable.
Question: I have a question which comes up again and again. Sometimes I just want to dismiss it, because I feel as if I do not know what I am talking about/thinking. How can I work with this deep question?
Craig: It is a deep question. If it was simply a philosophical argument within your mind, then yes, leave it and enjoy the peace which comes from having an empty mind. If it is a question sincere to your heart, sit with it with an open heart and let your heart lead you to the truth. Sometimes questions like this can take years, to reveal their truth. This is what it means to walk the path, to truly contemplate the nature of Reality.
Question: I am confused about which meditation to do? I really want to do a Chakra meditation, but read another teacher which said, I should not have an agenda while meditating, but that meditation should just be opening to the Divine? I don’t know which meditation practice I should do. One of my problems is that I try to overly control while meditating.
Craig: Why not do both? If your heart resonates with the Chakra meditation, then give yourself to this meditation. Surrender to this meditation and allow it to reveal to you what it can. Ultimately this is a path of surrender. For those who have been bullied in life, we tend to control and resist surrender. Follow your heart and surrender. If we are trying to control, then we are not on the path, we are in our minds. The spiritual path is about following the heart and surrendering to that which is greater than what we currently are.
If the chakra meditation resonates, by all means, give yourself to it. But do not try to “do it”…let go into it and allow God’s wisdom and intelligence to lead you.
Question: I realize that I have so much unworthiness within me, can you help?
Craig: I want you to imagine yourself as a king, as a bright light in this world. I want you to check into this anxiety within yourself and see if somewhere in your chest or belly is someone who believes he is unworthy, or less than. I want you to love him to death, and make a great home for him in this world. You are a bright light, but I feel that there is a place within you which is unconscious of your beauty, your strength and your power. Unfortunately, when we have not fully realized this within ourselves God sends us to the trenches, or to the underground in your case, so that we can learn and discover through this challenge how bright, how strong, and how powerful we are. It is a tough teaching, something I have been through many times. It is easy for us to complain, resist and revolt, but the path is forward through hell and into heaven, we come out the other side not looking to God to save us, but As God embodied in our human form. This may be one of the toughest lessons, for it is the death of the remaining layers of the unconscious victim within us; one of the major building blocks of ego. It is difficult, but continue walking forward with your head high and your spirit bright. Do not give up, or give in to despair.
- There are some instances where I find it difficult to drop into this space; times where mind seems so over active. I sometimes feel this is Kundalini energy just bouncing around my head. I notice that during these times, there is a held belief that I hold some kind of chemistry/wiring that will forever disallow my awareness to be anchored in the heart. I know this to be only a belief, and disregard it with love and compassion, yet it seems to repeat itself.
- Recently someone has entered my life and I find myself smitten on a level I have not felt for quite some time. This has surged all types of feelings and thoughts, and has been rather testing on my awareness.
- Certain external things; food, laptop, phone, seem to play a part in my ability to sink into heart.
- In regards to the energy bouncing around in your mind, yes it will do that if not channeled properly. Channel your thoughts to that which is highest. Perhaps use a mantra, to guide your mind, when it is idle. You may also, focus on the energy going directly up your spine through each chakra and out of the top of your head. When the energy is blocked, or moves to the right or left, it can spin out in strange or lower states of consciousness. Gently guide it, toward the highest and it will flow blissfully. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you. Inherent in the egoic mind is this belief that there is—simply because our egoic mind is not our truth; it actually knows that it is not the full truth of your being, that is why this thought arises. Eventually through fully believing in yourself and truly embodying your true nature, only then will this thought dissolve. Until then it will repeat itself because it wants to be liberated.
- Yes, we continue to fall in love. Remember all of life is God and all of life is here to wake you up. I encourage you to see what this situation/person is here to teach you. Remember that awareness is love—the highest form of love. Never think that awareness is some state devoid of love and feeling. To be clear, I am not saying you should or should not be in this relationship, but that you investigate for yourself what this is all about. In a very human way, falling in love can lift us up out of depression or fatigue…
- Yes, with awakening comes a great sensitivity. I encourage you to listen to your experience and let it guide you. True awakening will radically transform the way you live and relate to life.
Question: Don’t believe any thoughts? Really? How can you say that in your book? I disagree!
Craig: Yes my friend, you are absolutely right. Some thoughts are functional and helpful and others a waste of time and create a greater illusion.
That chapter was to help the reader begin to experience the freedom of transcendence—that comes from letting go of “all” thought, and in that example the extra emotional story/anger and thoughts of being a victim of the police, etc. Yes, of course, pay the ticket and learn from the experience/slow down and end it there. Come back to your free nature. I wanted to point out that we can let go of thought in a variety of circumstances. But of course, as father and someone who is grounded in the world, we don’t really “let go of all thought.” because how would we function in a loving and meaningful way in the world. Some teachings are given in a dramatic fashion to make a point—because many people suffer greatly in their minds, and do not realize that there is a space beyond the mind. If they never find this space, they will never know true freedom or true divinity, because they will be lost in their minds. But your wisdom and discernment, you should always maintain beyond any teaching from any teacher.
In my teaching, I spend a lot of time making the distinction between passing shallow thoughts, which we don’t need to worry about and engage in, and repetitive thoughts or neurotic thoughts, which are thoughts arising out of unconscious aspects of our egoic nature, which want to be healed/transforms/liberated, through our conscious heart-felt attention.
I spend my days working with students and individuals who desire deeper help, unpacking, honoring, and healing their story—yet it is met from nondual freedom and a compassionate loving heart space.
Question: A few nights ago I had a very demonic dream – seemingly out of nowhere. As a result, I have been rather on edge since the dream. It has brought with it horrible feelings and thoughts that I once went through a few years ago; almost as if I am in another world. This is such a stark contrast to the calm and peace I have found myself in over the last few months. I’m unsure if this is a relapse of sorts, or some stored trauma energy that is still there. Anyhow; I ask – did you ever go through anything like this? and what would you suggest as the best remedy?
Craig: Yes B, I did also experience many similar experiences. The teaching is the same, don’t believe your thoughts. See clearly that you are safe. See your current Reality for what it is…Is not this moment peaceful? Are you not completely safe? Can you see in Reality that you are quite ok?
If you ask your emotional world or mind, they will probably both say, “no I am not ok.” But look at Reality. See how Reality is Peaceful and safe, nothing is actually happening right here in this moment. There is peace and a dream. This dream is simply a movement of mind. If you can see through this movement of mind and emotions they will disappear. If they stick around and are persistent, meet them with love. Feel the pain or fear within them, yet simultaneously don’t believe the thoughts that go with them. They will eventually dissolve.
This is simply an aspect of ego which needs to be reminded that you are ok, that life is good, and that dreams are dreams… Eventually, this dream will burst and you will awaken into a deeper level of clarity and freedom.
Question: Thank you very much for your YouTube videos, I like them a lot! After having watched them, I was left with a question. On the one hand, you talk about meeting your pain and bowing down to your pain, because it has something beautiful to tell you. But in your video about depression, you tell us to exercise and since a lot of people swear by running, I thought this to be the opposite of meeting the pain/depression… So what to do with depression (I’m suffering from it), meeting it? Running away from it (literary)? Or both and can you then explain to me why exercising is not a form of running away from the pain.
Craig: Depression is very difficult to work with. It can be as if a cloud of heaviness covers the person, and they have trouble doing anything. The body, mind, emotional nature and nervous system can get stuck here for long periods of time. Therefore, it can be helpful, to work with depression on a variety of levels. Exercising can be a helpful way to break out of this depressed energy. I recommend yoga, running, walking, hiking—anything to get the blood flowing and break up the heavy energy. It is hard to see clearly when we are stuck under the heavy weight of depression. Any activity we can do to break up this cycle will be helpful—yoga though is often the most helpful, especially if we get out of the house and go to a class.
Most likely, though, the root of our depression will not be healed, simply by exercise. The root or cause of our depression, will require a deeper type of work. That is why I recommend becoming quiet, sitting deeply with the depression and inquiring into what is causing our emotional state. As we sit deeply with this question, it is important to simultaneously, feel into the goodness and innocence of your own heart space. From the space of the heart, the natural response is compassion. Allow your natural loving heart to embrace the pain that is at the root of your depression. Feel the feelings fully, validate the story that comes with the pain, but then let go of the thoughts and story which come with the depression. It is very important to fully feel the feelings at the heart of the pain. But do not get caught up in the story, let the story go as quickly as possible and simply feel and acknowledge the pain. As we do so, it will begin to naturally release. This is how we truly heal.
In addition, through this process of healing, it can also be helpful to be checking in with a wise friend, family member, teacher, healer or therapist; because it is easy to become lost in the cloud of depression. Having someone to talk to helps to remind us, that there is another way of being in this world—that the depression is not what we truly are, for what we are is Divine. A wise friend will remind us of this.
Question: How do I work with Shame?
Craig: Thank you my friend, and remember to love your shame, your insecurity fully without reservation, until it turns into the gentle presence of your own loving heart space. You are good, you are worthy of your own loving attention, wait for no one to give it to you, give it fully to yourself.
We need your light in the world my friend, but for you to come fully forward, you must first discover how beautiful you are. Come into the quiet gentle loving space of your heart and embrace your shame with loving kindness. You need you. And Life needs you to do this work, so that you can come forward fully in this world and shine.
Question: I suffer greatly with my mind and emotions. After meeting with me, in your opinion, do you think I have depression?
Craig: M, I do not sense, there is anything wrong with you my friend. My sense is that you are overly-identified with your mind. Don’t take this personally; the majority of the planet is that way. But because you have a huge spiritual heart, your heart is registering pain. This pain is not because you have something wrong with you, but because you do not live fully from your heart. Anytime we have a big heart and live mostly in our minds, our heart will gently ache—and it will do so, until we fully come home to ourselves. This continual ache, could be interpreted as depression or as anxiety. But it is neither; it is your heart trying to get you to come home to yourself. It is through this doorway of “depression,” that you will find happiness. If you walk toward this pain, and embrace it with love, you will discover your ultimate happiness.
Question: The pain that I heal, seems to come back again, and again. I can heal my pain and move through blockages and let go into vast spacious awareness, but the next day, my pain seems to just come back again. Am I doing something wrong here?
Craig: Keep up the good work. Don’t think that the old blockages are coming back. Think of it like an onion, you are working with one layer of pain, you let go, heal or transform it and feel vast open free and happy, and then you have an opportunity to go deeper and work with the next layer of pain. At some point after working this way for a period of time, you will find no more layers of pain associated with this particular issue. There will always be more ways to grow and evolve in this lifetime, but our major psychological issues which hold us back are made up of layers, and these layers can be healed, let go, or transformed so that they no longer trouble us or hold us back. This work is a process.
When we work through all the layers of a particular issue, such as the abuse we experienced as a child, what we find after we have worked through all the layers of pain associated with this abuse is, just a beautiful child—who has a tender and open heart. Not a child who seems broken, needy and always craving our attention. But a child-like innocence which naturally integrates into the space of awareness, the space we know ourselves to be. Keep up the good work.
Question: I am really struggling with this awakening process. I have so much energy running up my spine, and find myself stuck in bed with a painful high pitched ringing in my ears, and am completely disoriented by this awakening process. Please help.
- Focus on the felt experience of spaciousness all around you: in the room, in the sky, and even in the space of your mind. If something difficult is in the space of your mind, do not focus on the thoughts or pain, or sounds, but first, acknowledge the spaciousness in which these contents are arising.
- Feel into the space; see if you can let go into the space the same way one would let go in to sleep.
- Notice that this space is always here. Notice that this space of awareness which you are—always, already allows for everything, even pain, even heartache, and even disturbing sounds. Let go into this freedom.
- Notice how you feel when you let go into this, versus how you feel when you want your experience of pain to stop.
- Adopt a faith that you are being healed through this process, that all resistance is being purified or burned away through this disorienting process; imagine the sound in your ear is not a problem, but something which is actually helping you to let go of resistance through burning it out of you. Know that when heavy aspects of ego are being purified out of our consciousness that they scream as they are releasing. Notice how you feel when you trust. Notice how you feel when you analyze your physicality and diagnose yourself. Notice how separate and divided you feel. What if you let go of commenting on your experience and simply experience?
- Instead of fighting consciously or unconsciously, try and trust. Forgive yourself and your humanity for unconsciously fighting. Know that you are like the fish who is slowing evolving into the amphibian and that this is a process, sometimes a disorientating process, which feels brutal, but is a movement of higher consciousness. Smile and have faith that you are God’s evolving edge. God is giving birth to herself in the form of you.
Question: I hear many spiritual teachings about abundance, but in my bank account, I seem to be lacking. I’m not sure I can believe that this life is abundant? And yet sometimes money seems to come my way….
Craig: Yes, life can be mysterious the way it works. Life is abundant my friend. But abundance does not only have to do with dollars in the bank. Even if you do not have money in the bank, can we cultivate a simple sense of gratitude for having a house this day? For having a bed, each day? For the fresh air and the beauty of the ocean? For the wind blowing on the beach? Our egoic minds continually and habitually look to our bank accounts for abundance, but even if we are lacking there, can we see that abundance is all around us, and filling this world? Let your experience of abundance be greater than a number in a bank, let yourself see all the beauty and glory, all around you. Enjoy the spaciousness of the sky, the brilliance of your own beauty, let yourself know the abundant loving nature of your own heart. See the goodness and prosperity of this world in which we share. It is a shift out of lack consciousness and into seeing the Truth that life is overflowing with grace everywhere. Though this is hard to see, if we are an accountant. Yet if our heart is open, we see and experience beauty and abundance everywhere.
Question: I feel completely powerless, and have a brutal history of abuse. But sometimes money and support comes my way, but I do not trust it. I often hear Adya and Byron Katie speak about letting go of my story, but it comes back again and again. Please help me.
Craig: It would be healing for you to see these moments as a gift. I know that you feel as if at any moment the rug can be pulled out from under you, but this very thought that it can is getting in the way of your healing.
You do not need to have “no story,” as your friend Adya has taught you. You need a new story. The problem is that you have a painful story of life. I fully agree with you that what happened to you was absolutely brutal. So let us acknowledge that. But this story that anything can be taken away at any moment is actually retraumatizing you.
You need a new story where you are completely and totally grateful for what you have in this moment. Grateful for your breakfast, your lunch and your dinner or whatever meal you are eating in this moment. Grateful to have a TV, grateful to have a job, grateful to have the ocean, the beach. Grateful to have a computer. Grateful to have your friend Craig.
If you truly want to heal this chronic insecurity and powerlessness that you suffer from you must begin walking in the direction of power and gratitude.
Your walking meditation on the beach needs to be: I am so happy to have a job, I am grateful, I am a good and respected businessman. I make money and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. I am loved and supported in this world.
You must walk on the beach and smile at the sun, the sand and the ocean. You must be grateful for this experience of the ocean.
You must say thank you God, for all the ways money comes to you. Even if they are odd, strange, unexpected. You say thank you God for supporting me. Thank you Life. Thank you for my apartment.
Thank you for my good heart. Thank you for taking care of me this day.
And if and when any argument arises in you mind, you gently turn your attention to your power and your gratitude.
If you want to heal, you will pull your energy away from the thought and story, that I am powerless and have nothing.
To: I am powerful. I have a great life, in Miami Beach. I have a job where I work from home. I am respected by my coworkers. I am a dynamic and creative force in this world. I have a home. I have a car, I have a slice of pizza, a bed, a home. I live on the beach.
You will never heal, not even through spiritual awakening, until you fully know your power and feel supported by God. Said differently, for awakening to be sustained, you must know your power and have a new story, not a story of trauma, but an experience of love and faith in this world.
Adya had the gift of already knowing his power and felt supported by life. Therefore when he did awaken, his awakening was supported by a strong and healthy psychology. Without a healthy psychology, we may experience moments of awakening, but these moments will fade as our psychology, demands our attention and healing.
Also, I am going to encourage you to join the sports center. It would be very healing for you to play a sport. A sport like basketball, where you can compete, and succeed and experience your power on the court. You need to experience some wins, some domination over others. and be okay with losing as well. Often when we lose at sports, we want to try again. But ultimately you need a chance to be in your body, running around and competing in a healthy way.
I want you to deeply put into practice these things.
The fact that you have a job and are doing so well at it, is exactly what I am speaking about. More of this. Keep up the good work.
Staying in your home all hours of the day is not going to help you any longer; it will hold you back. Some time on the floor is healing, but also more time out being grateful, and playing sports, and creating a new story in your mind, will ultimately be healing.
If you look at your friend Adya, he did all of this. He did not just sit and wake up, he had a strong and healthy psychology, a great story, was very active and created his own reality. He was not powerless, but powerful. His words are great, but you must also follow his actions if you want to heal.
Question: I have a repetitive thought that says “because I experienced a major trauma in the past, that I will never be able to move forward and truly awaken.” How do I get rid of this thought? I keep trying to get rid of it but it seems to come back again and again…
Craig: I don’t recommend “getting rid” of anything. The desire to get rid is a movement of avoidance—a movement of the ego. The reason this thought continues to come forward within your consciousness is because there is something more here which needs to be embraced and healed.
I encourage you to listen mindfully to this thought. Feel the energy behind it. It has a story, and the story is obviously not the truth, but there is a deeper need or story that is at the root of the false story or belief which keeps repeating itself. Do not turn away from this false belief, but go deep into it, in a non-judgemental way. Ask what is this truly about? Feel the flavor of the belief…with what you wrote it has a flavor of powerlessness to it. This story normally arises out of victim consciousness. This is usually not a small thing. Transforming victim consciousness into true awakened strength or into realizing your innate power is a big transformation. Do not simply disregard this story. I would bring your full awareness here. Imagine that a beloved friend of yours had this thought. Could you meet him with kindness and compassion? This is how transformation occurs, not through denial, but through open-hearted understanding and love.
Question: My friends, husband, and family tell me I am a perfectionist… how should I respond to this if it is true?
Craig: I encourage you to look at what it would mean to be ok with your humanity.
- What would it mean to love yourself? To truly love another?
- What would it mean to forgive yourself? and Forgive another?
- What is anger and is it ok to be angry and admit that you are a human who has anger?
- Can you admit that perfectionism does not help you, but instead see how it harms you?
- Can you love yourself fully just as you are?
- Can you admit as a human, how you may have caused pain to another and how another may have caused you pain?
- Can you give yourself permission to relax and make mistakes and be human?
- How would someone who truly loved themselves, treat themselves in this moment?
I encourage you to contemplate these questions and more. I encourage you to relax, to be kind, gentle and peaceful to your humanity. I encourage you to be loving to your husband and yourself. Often when we are rigid we project perfectionism onto our self and others. Breathe, relax and smile my dear, being human is messy, difficult and confusing. Remember to laugh a little sweetheart.
Question: How do I work with my Blind Spot? I have spent my whole life avoiding feeling and looking here. Is there another way?
Craig: It is important that you feel: the good, the bad and the ugly. A compassionate heart is a brave heart. Look into that which you have been avoiding. Keep opening and see what you discover, uncover, acknowledge and release. All is God. And to be awake is to be awake to it all. What does this practically mean? Bring your full attention here. Invite the darkness into the light. Begin speaking with this repressed aspect of yourself and listen to what comes forward. If something painful or messy comes forward, meet it with love. Embrace the darkness, pain, sadness, etc. Breathe love into this space. Let it teach you, open you and heal.
Question: I can think of many great enlightened teachers who claimed to have no ego, but they absolutely did? With so much talk of ego dissolving, is this actually true and possible to dissolve the ego?
Craig: You are right. Everyone has an ego. But an ego is not really a thing, but rather a force which arises within one’s psychology. In a healthy way, an ego will keep us from danger and protect us from harm and make wise choices which have our survival as a priority. The further we walk on the path, and the more healthy we become, we begin to see that there are very few moments which require the force of ego to arise. For example, most of us are not being chased by mountain lions or living in a war zone. That being said, there are real dangers in this world and, a healthy ego will run if we are being chased by someone with a knife or will duck if a baseball comes flying toward our head.
The intensity of ego can begin to dissolve after awakening, and/or also through simply having a healthy relationship with life and one’s human psychological nature. The defense system of ego can be upgraded (and become less anxious, controlling and tense) and then become more calm, peaceful and loving, but ultimately some level of defensiveness will be here as long as we have a body and we live in a somewhat dangerous world. In addition, any level of neurotic ego will remain in an individual, to the degree to which we have not done our healing, integration, and shadow work of our human psychology. This is why many great teachers who do not have a clear understanding of their shadow, seem to act from ego in the world.
But the more healing and healthy psychological work we do, the less ego will arise within us. It is one thing to be awake to our true nature and another thing to live in a way in which our humanity reflects this true nature congruently.
Question: I want nothing more than to discover the Truth. Yet, I’m interested in dating girls on tinder, but am afraid I will lose my focus on discovering my True Nature. In the past I have chosen not to date because of this, but now feel a draw to do so.
Craig: Dating a girl will take away your time, she will take your emotional and mental energy. These are what will fuel your spiritual path going forward. If we are “dating” then our energy will be spent, chasing, interviewing, hanging out with some girls you like and others you are not so sure about. Of course you are in charge of how much time you spend dating… but awareness and time are your most precious resources. If you are not in charge of your awareness and your time, we are easily lost in the world.
What makes “dating” so inefficient is that most individuals are very unclear about what they want for their life. But the opposite is true also; you are less likely to waste your time or to get into trouble if you know clearly what you want. When you know what you want on the path, and in the world, you know what to look for and narrow the options down to that which is in alignment with your heart. When you choose to randomly interact with girls on Tinder because they are “hot,” you have reduced yourself to a teenage boy mentality and are meeting life from a very superficial place.
If you are crystal clear about what you want and have high standards, Life (not Tinder) hears your vibrational frequency and brings you a frequency very close to what you are broadcasting.
This will happen often in a way quite different than Tinder shopping. You will meet a nice girl at work, or after a retreat or yoga class. You will find someone in alignment with your Truth. But you will have to go up and talk to her and start things off. You will not have Tinder to do the introduction for you. Although you could find her on Tinder, the nature of the app (and other dating apps) is superficial and so you are more likely to get superficial results. But keep in mind God is the boss of this world, She can use anything to find you. Communicate clearly to Her about what you desire, open your heart to Her Intelligence and let Her do the work.
Listen to your heart and align your heart with your life. This creates happiness.
Question: Recently, I have experienced tremendous hardships in my relationships, business and have lost my realization of the truth. Please help me to understand why God has abandoned me and why I no longer experience peace and bliss in my life. I want to feel the Truth again.
Craig: I encourage you to continue walking forward with great faith and trust in the Divine, despite not feeling supported in this realm. Despite the confusing, painful and emotional experiences, I encourage you to continue walking forward.
The only way we learn true faith and trust, which is the backbone of any true spiritual awakening, is for us to have our lives turned upside down. God will often take from us our wealth, our business, our relationships, and our wonderful spiritual experiences; and leave us temporarily abandoned in this world. It is at this moment we are being tested. It is at this moment we have the choice to fall into despair or to align ourselves with that which we know to be True and sane in this world.
It is in the very moment when we feel the most alone and confused by emotions and storms of thoughts—that we are invited to call upon God, and trust in Her will. When we do so, we develop a spiritual backbone, which becomes the foundation of our life.
It is important to remember, that just because we don’t see or experience God, this does not mean God is not here, silently with us. When we feel abandoned, this does not mean God actually has left us. Our realization and our commitment to Truth must be greater than any feeling or experience, otherwise our realization will simply be temporary.
Question: Is it helpful to use Rape tobacco to clear my energy field?
- When you do your work, you become strong.
- God wants you to learn how strong you are.
- God wants you to be a strong and open-hearted Angel in the world.
Little tricks with sage or tobacco are ok, but what God wants and what our world needs is individuals who are like Christ or Joan of Arc. Love is what heals, and strength is what carries love into the world. This is God’s plan for you.
Question: I find myself unconsciously shutting down in the the presence of my partner. I can be open on my own, but when I am with her I shut down. I am feeling that I must leave her so that I can live from my Truth.
Craig: If you are in a relationship, I encourage you to first try and make it work. Notice when you heart and your presence shuts down. Ask yourself “Is it true that I need to shut down in her presence? What is it that I fear? Or why is it that I am shutting down? Is this my Truth or my egoic nature trying to defend itself? Can I be open?” Be uncomfortable and work to be open in her presence.